What do u think on this essay?

It's great! I skimmed it over, so don't take my whole word for it, but I would put other people's opinions to show you have thought of a different point of view (if you haven't done it already) AND INDENT YOUR PARAGRAPHS. It shows better structure :D If you can (only if you can), try to start with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to improve the structure, so anyone reading it knows what you are about to say :) Use linking words to help you in this, like "in addition", "moreover", "in contrast to this", etc. Hope I helped!